reading back those posts
recalling those days
indeed
those are sweet memories

caught myself crying again
for the umpteenth time
i thought i've chosen to forget?
why do i still feel sad?

will you able to take it then
if i say what is in me
you sure nothing will change?
but i feel it will

the unspoken words then
i shall say it now
since it doesn't matter anymore

koishiteru

最近发生了一些事情使我好好想想自己做的一些决定。
做个好人，是对？是错？
当个好人是愚蠢的行为吗？

现在，
觉得好累，眼前的路已变得模糊不清
像似迷失在不知名的地方，不知要往哪里去。
好不想管当下的事情，走得远远的。

当个好人：
是个错误吗？
是愚蠢的吗？

好人有好报 真的是这样吗？

是当好人当得太好？
还是是我笨？我傻？

当好人当个像个笨蛋的，看只有我一个吧。
是帮到人了？还是害人害己？
埋怨的，后悔的 也许数不清了吧。

或许我还是做回那一个
不做好人，不做坏人的中间人
不用想做好人还是做坏人，
不管当下的事情，让一切顺其自然
也许会和现在比较起来，来的好吧。

laptop was sent for servicing, sorry for not being able to update. my home desktop also died on me.

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last sunday went AFA with the usuals.
kinda boring but have kind of good time taking photos.
yup photos, must thx him helping to take so many shots.
arigato gozaimasu! *bows*

before going the AFA, we went to a Vietnamese restaurant cos someone haven eat his lunch. kena trapped in the middle. hahahax....

Joke of the day:
upon paying the meal, everyone paid for theirs.
somehow, a joke was played on us.
we found out money fall short.
so he decided to add in.
in the end, he paid 20 bucks for a cup of homemade barley (supposed to be $3.50)
LOL!!!!
we laughed until cannot stop siol. xDDDD

---------------------------------------------

ytd, went to pei him do health check.
LOL he was scared about the results.
but ultimately the result came out negative.
he was so so happy lah....
hahahax...
den out of boredom, we went from bugis to orchard.
follow up we went to watch movie.
and i can't believe that i watch tad movie lah...
he was so happy tad he watch tad movie...
and started smsing telling ppl to watch.
>.<
LOL


past few days, no laptop/com
it's a torture.
den nothing to do, keep sleeping.
like tad go on, confirm die lor...
*shake head*

took a handwriting test. handwriting wizard

my analysis:

Jaslyn uses judgment to make decisions. She is ruled by her head, not her heart. She is a cool, collected person who is usually unexpressive emotionally. Some may see her as unemotional. She does have emotions but has no need to express them. She is withdrawn into herself and enjoys being alone.

The circumstances when Jaslyn does express emotions include: extreme anger, extreme passion, and tremendous stress. If someone gets her mad enough to tell her off, she will not be sorry about it later. She puts a mark in her mind when someone angers her. She keeps track of these marks and when she hits that last mark she will let them know they have gone too far. She is ruled somewhat by self-interest. All her conclusions are made without outside emotional influence. She is very level-headed and will remain calm in an emergency situation. In a situation where other people might get hysterical, she has poise.

Jaslyn will work more efficiently if given space and time to be alone. She would rather not be surrounded by people constantly. In a relationship, she will show her love by the things she does rather than by the things she says. Saying "I love you" is not a needed routine because she feels her mate should already know. The only exception to this is if she has logically concluded that it is best for her mate to hear her express her love verbally.

Jaslyn is not subject to emotional appeals. If someone is selling a product to her, they will need to present only the facts. They should present them from a standpoint of her sound judgment. She will not be taken in by an emotional story about someone else. She will meet emergencies without getting hysterical and she will always ask "Is this best for me?"

People that write their letters in an average height and average size are moderate in their ability to interact socially. According to the data input, Jaslyn doesn't write too large or too small, indicating a balanced ability to be social and interact with others.

Jaslyn will be candid and direct when expressing her opinion. She will tell them what she thinks if they ask for it, whether they like it or not. So, if they don't really want her opinion, don't ask for it!

In reference to Jaslyn's mental abilities, she has a very investigating and creating mind. She investigates projects rapidly because she is curious about many things. She gets involved in many projects that seem good at the beginning, but she soon must slow down and look at all the angles. She probably gets too many things going at once. When Jaslyn slows down, then she becomes more creative than before. Since it takes time to be creative, she must slow down to do it. She then decides what projects she has time to finish. Thus she finishes at a slower pace than when she started the project.

She has the best of two kinds of minds. One is the quick investigating mind. The other is the creative mind. Her mind thinks quick and rapidly in the investigative mode. She can learn quicker, investigate more, and think faster. Jaslyn can then switch into her low gear. When she is in the slower mode, she can be creative, remember longer and stack facts in a logical manner. She is more logical this way and can climb mental mountains with a much better grip.

Jaslyn's true self-image is unreasonably low. Someone once told Jaslyn that she wasn't a great and beautiful person, and she believed them. Jaslyn also has a fear that she might fail if she takes large risks. Therefore she resists setting her goals too high, risking failure. She doesn't have the internal confidence that frees her to take risks and chance failure. Jaslyn is capable of accomplishing much more than she is presently achieving. All this relates to her self-esteem. Jaslyn's self-concept is artificially low. Jaslyn will stay in a bad situation much too long... why? Because she is afraid that if she makes a change, it might get worse. It is hard for Jaslyn to plan too far into the future. She kind of takes things on a day to day basis. She may tell you her dreams but she is living in today, with a fear of making a change. No matter how loud she speaks, look at her actions. This is perhaps the biggest single barrier to happiness people not believing in and loving themselves. Jaslyn is an example of someone living with a low self-image, because their innate self-confidence was broken.

Jaslyn is sarcastic. This is a defense mechanism designed to protect her ego when she feels hurt. She pokes people harder than she gets poked. These sarcastic remarks can be very funny. They can also be harsh, bitter, and caustic at the same time.

Jaslyn has a healthy imagination and displays a fair amount of trust. She lets new people into her circle of friends. She uses her imagination to understand new ideas, things, and people.
For a graphologist, the spacing on the page reflects the writer's attitude toward their own world and relationship to things in his or her own space. If the inputted data was correct Jaslyn has left some white space on the left side of the paper. Jaslyn fills up the rest of the page in a normal fashion moving the entire writing rightward as she moves down the page. If this is true, then Jaslyn has a healthy relationship to the past and is ready to move on. The right side of the page represents the future and Jaslyn is ready and willing to get started living now and planning for the future. Jaslyn is leaving the past behind and moving on to what she perceives as an exciting and enticing future.

after he told me on sunday night and reading his blog post later that day, i had a new perspective towards parts and parcels of life.

|| comfort zones... ||

he used the example of drum to explain to me.
i know not everyone knows drum, so i decided to use Mathematics to explain since everyone know maths.

lets rewind back to the days when we started learning maths in kindergarden.
we were taught addition and subtraction.
i believed everyone then were complaining how hard is maths.
because we had difficulty doing the addition and subtraction then.
but what happens when we master addition and subtraction?
we became comfortable working using addition and subtraction.
at this time, it created a comfort zone for us and revolve around using addition and subtraction.

follow on, we were taught multiplication and division.
everyone were complaining again regarding doing multiplication and division because we were used to addition and subtraction.
as time pass, we mastered doing multiplication and division.
we revolve around this comfort zone where we are able to use addition, subtraction, multiplication and division to solve maths and it repeats as we move higher.

as u can see, from the 2 paragraphs, we talk about 2 comfort zones. 1 is the comfort zone revolving around addition and subtraction. 2 is the comfort zone revolving around addition, subtraction, multiplication and division. from comfort zone 1 to comfort zone 2. we went through the process of breaking comfort zone 1 to reach comfort zone 2. through this process of breaking the comfort zone, we learn stuff like multiplication and division to add on instead of just addition and subtraction only. as we learn more, we break the initial comfort zone in order to reach the other one. i guess not much people realised about this "action" which we had done for million times.

quoted from his post; "Getting out of your comfort zone, you’ll soon realized that IS still your comfort zone. But even so, you would have a wider zone, and by then, you’ll be surprised to see yourself lifting mountains and think that’s still your comfort zone!" what he say is true! now u may be getting out of ur current comfort zone, but who knows, 2 weeks later or 1 month later u realised u are still in a comfort zone and you know there is a wider zone outside waiting for u to go and break. so from here, i realised that if we need to move on in life. we need to break off the comfort zone tad we are revolving in now in order to break the other one awaiting on the other side. it is a new perspective and i felt differently looking from this angle. somehow this gave me a sense of motivation and suddenly i think that it's a everyday thing too. well this is my point of view, so yeah.. i'm just saying wad i know. =)

friends quarrel again.
this time, stella and jason.
felt bad. perhaps i should say dunno from the start.

shouldn't have tell stella that cannot say
if i never say but instead i don't know, maybe won't cause her curiosity to rise
if i never cause her curiosity to rise, there won't be the existence of the code
if i never create that stupid code, maybe she won't think so much about it

shouldn't have tell jason also.
if i never tell, he won't know about what she asked.
if i never tell, part of their conversation won't be consisting on the code.
if i never tell, maybe the quarrel won't be that bad.

perhaps i shouldn't start a lot of stuff, maybe like that the quarrel may not even exist.
now 2 of them emo-ing, quarreled.
seems like i will get my friends into trouble anything i do or touch
i guess it's better if i stay alone.
no one will be harm and all.
maybe tad's better


i'm a jinx.